I never imagined.

I never ever imagined I would be standing here in these shoes.  You always expect in your mind that you will always be able to learn something new, you always imagine life as this world of ups and downs.  I think everyone must believe their world is going to have a lot more ups and a lot less downs.  I know that this is not the true case, but my feelings at this moment is that I am at one of my largest woes (lows).

Jaden is big on my topic list these days, and well he is still going to be on the list today, however please know that it is not all about him the stem is really coming from me.

We had another VERY ROUGH day at school.  I took him to class all excited about going to school again.  Then again we get to the door and the meltdown begins.  “I don’t want to go to school, they will all look at me, I don’t like school”  WHAT IS UP WITH THIS??? How can you tell me you want to go to school, and then when we get all the way up to the door, the world has to stop for you to have a fit???  So, little by little I get him all the way in the door, I turn to leave and here he comes.  Then there is another little girl outside doing the same thing.  I am thinking “GREAT, 2 OF US MAKING A SCENE OUT HERE”.  I don’t know if I thought this girl was going to make it easier for me or what, but I looked at Jaden and said “look-see how that girl is acting, you are doing the same thing.  you need to get your act together and get in that class, no options.”  WELL LET ME TELL YOU THAT THIS DID NOT WORK EITHER.  Then the teacher came to the door to try to help us.  THANKFULLY, OR SO I THOUGHT.  The little girl was pushed in first, and her mom went in with her.  Then Jaden’s turn, she took his hand and slightly pulled him in and I shut the door, I turned and got about 20 feet away, and…. open door, and she slighted him out the door to me, and said “he has to go, he can’t be in class, he kicked me in the face.”

I waited in the office to talk to the counselor.  Then back to her office we went.  We spoke for a bit, or I cried not sure what I did more of.  She made a couple of phone calls to find out if we can get him into a day treatment (for behavioral health).  Well, let’s just say, that this is not going to work for us, because we DO have insurance.  Yes, Tricare insurance is what we have along with all the other military families out there.  And No you can not receive special treatment care for your child that they need for school, because you DO have insurance.  This treatment is something that the school recommends and you can’t get it, because you DO have insurance???  Does this make any sense at all?? 

Jaden of course is not permitted to go into this teacher’s room anymore, so he is going to be moved back to the original teacher.  Hopefully all will be good in that room the second time around.  The principal just called me a bit ago to check on me.  I told her that I am ok, physically, I just feel like I have failed Jaden, that I feel as if I must have done something wrong.  She told me her story, and then told me that she will be there for me, and that they will not give up on us.  As upset and humiliated as I am with all this, I hope that I really do get the support that I need for him. 

Don’t get me wrong, he is not perfect, he is a normal child, but he does get very naughty at times, but it is not constant.  I do not know what struck him this morning to lash out at the teacher, nor will I try to make an excuse, because there will never be one.  BUT I would love to know what his trigger is, so that maybe we can get through this without another physical altercation.  So this is where I say…. I never imagined that it would be me, standing in these shoes, with a kindergartener, kicked out of a class for a physical altercation towards the teacher. 

So me being the stem, I wonder what can I do to make it better?  What can I do to bypass one of his triggers?  How can I find out what his triggers are?  Am I what made him this way?  Or maybe am I really his trigger?

Like all mommies, my job is to make it all better.  How can I be a good mommy and not kiss away the tears?  This is a tear that I can not wipe away.  I am saddened that I don’t know how to fix this boo boo, but I am also upset with how I am feeling about the situation……

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wk of chaos

This entire past wk, has been one of total chaos.  I think we might be on an upward climb now of things starting to get better.

First, Jaden was having a great time in school again new teacher was really helping him a lot!!  Sean had the wk off of work, so decided to do the daddy and son time, and take Jaden to school every day and pick him up!!! YEAH!!  or so I thought, then friday came, and I had to take him to school, and there the meltdown came.  The entire last 2 wks work gone to the toilet…. NO… this is not going to happen again.  I am not having a total meltdown, and this kid is not going to win this power struggle… or so I thought.. the vice principal or assistant principal is what they call it here, took him, and I left.. about a 1/2 hour later I get the call to come pick my son up, he is running the hallways and they can not get him into class.  NICE… so I take the fast 2 minute drive to the school, to find out he is in class, and then the assistant principal tells me… “No, he never ran the halls, he was sitting outside the class with me this entire time, untill he decided he was going in.” She also told me that she thinks that he may have Oppositional defiant disorder, she said that he does not fit all the criteria, but she sees some of the traits, but for me to look it up and see what I think, and maybe talk to the pediatrics doctor about it.  However, she did say, that he may just be acting as a little boy also… so… that is where we were with that.  The reason for all of this, was because, he says he likes going to school, but then once we get up to the door of the school, he no longer wants to stay, he wants to come home, he thinks it is his choice to do what he wants when he wants to do it.  He is not like this in all aspects of life, but I will say that I do have some OCD, and I believe in some aspects that Jaden does also.  We have to stay on routine, we can do things in between bit if we change who does what, then that kind of throws us both off a bit.  So I kind of wonder if Sean taking him to school last wk, kind of added to some problems.  Don’t get me wrong, he is not a perfect angel, or even close to it.  But… most of the time, the things that he does, I believe is kind of normal, or at least no worse than the things I have heard other people’s kids have done…  Anyways, we had a good day today, we had to take some things away this wkend from him, so that he can earn them back this wkend if he does well going to school everyday… so here is to hoping for better and brighter mornings!!!

So next topic, my car…. I have a 2006 Yukon.  Well, I may be the owner, but the dealership service department is the one with possession of it…  They have had it since last monday, when I was going to take it into the shop for a looking at, you see it periodically does not want to start, leaving me stranded places from 10 minutes to several hours, when it decides it is going to start.  I have had it in many times, but they can never get it to duplicate this, so meanwhile I look like the crazy lady.  I do have  and I have called from the car every time, all they say, sometimes the car thinks it is being stolen, and other times nothing is showing on the diagnosis.  Another problem I have had for several months is that it makes this clunking noise from the engine (or so I say) the first time I took it in, they said they could hear it but that it had to get louder, then I took it back on a drive by to see if it was loud enough, he said little louder.   And now the last time they said it was loud enough. 

When my car went to the dealership last wk, it had to be towed, because it would not start at all, and since I had the starting problem everyday almost for the past 2 wks, I thought, oops it finally bit the bullet!!!  No. it got towed by onstar, and then I called to tell the dealership it was on the way there by means of a tow company, they said that I would have to come sign paperwork  (good thing Sean was here, I don’t know how I would have gotten there with 3 kids and no ride!)  So I went and found out later that the battery needed replacement.(one thing down, couple more to go!) So then I get a call on Wednesday saying that have to get a GMPP (warranty) inspector to come out to listen to see if they can open up the engine, because if this is what it is, then it will cost over the limit of $1000, so the inspector has to approve first, and it takes 24-48 hours for them to show up.  Another YEAH!!  So the inspector came out on thursday, pretty fast, really happy, and gives the ok.  On friday night I get a call, that the opened the top of the engine, and that is not where the problem is, they think it is in the lower unit, that they have to call and get another GMPP  inspector to come out to listen again because of the over $1000 limit, and when the inspector comes out that if they approve it they will have to open the lower unit, and then probably order a new engine that will take another 3-4 days to order and then a couple of days to get installed…. YEAH!!! 

So my status is, I have been out of a car for a wk, and will still be out of it for another wk, at least, but I can get a small rental car for 5 days… Ok,, 5 days is better than none, but it really needs to fit 3 car seats…  guess I should get on making that call right now.. YOU THINK!!!

And to add to all of this, I am trying to potty train the 2-year-old, that takes her diaper off when ever she wets in it, and wants a clean one, but has no interest in the potty…. She is not afraid of it, if you make her, she will sit on it for 1 hour, without making a fuss or anything else in the potty for that matter..  And… we got a new puppy!!!  A boxer!!!    I bet the puppy is trained before my little Shyla!!!  Ok, I shouldn’t say that, cause I would really love for Shyla to get done first, but at the same time, I don’t want puppy piddle to clean up either!!

So here is to a better wk for me and mine….

Sad loss

This wk has brought some sad new to our area.  Three soldiers from our base were hurt this wk on a deployment over seas.  One of them actually lost his life. 

To each of these men and their families…. thank you for your efforts in the support of our country.  Thank you, soldiers for your dedication to each of the people whom you are fighting to keep their freedoms, here in the USA.  May your recoveries be fast.  Thank you to your families for all the hard work they do while you are gone.   And to the families of the one that passed away, I am sorry that you lost your life, I am thankful for your son’s service to keep our freedom.

To any person that may ever read this.  Please take the time to remember every person serving our country!

Find a sheath please!

If you carry a knife, you do not carry it in your pocket without a cover.  You don’t do this so you do not cause harm to yourself or others!  This is a very good invention that has been used for many years, it is called a sheath, it is a cover for your knife blade. 

 So what do you use when your tongue cuts like a knife?  Do they have a sheath for this?  If so I need to find the place where I can purchase one, as a gift.  My “friend” today has cut me pretty deep, so deep that rather than punching her, I chose to tell her I was not going to put up with her rudeness, and that I needed her support not her rudeness.  Then I chose to leave.   Usually people use the term I was stabbed in the back, I too have been stabbed in the back many times, and then have chosen to end those “friendships”.  This time it was a blatant slice of my throat from her tongue, head on.  No trying to cover or shield, just hurt, the kind of hurt you will not forget.  The kind of hurt that I am not sure that I can forgive and try to forget either.

I think because I have already had a terrible day, this hurt is worse than normal.  I even called to cry on my sister.  I am upset, I am hurt, I am having a really bad day, and then to be sliced by a “friends” tongue, that is not helping me one bit.  So as I sit here, with tears running down my face writing this as a way to vent, I am also finding myself embarrassed of speaking as I did in front of another one of our friends.  I said the rudeness thing right in front of another friend, I did apologize to that friend for leaving, but I also told the other “friend” that it was better that I left because I had nothing nice to say to her at that moment.   I know I made the right decision by leaving, and I know at the present moment I am making the right decision not to communicate with the “friend”, I just don’t know if I ever want to communicate with that one again, or if that would be a rash decision because I am so hurt right now.  I feel like my heart has been sliced…………………

So if you have any ideas of how to get a sheath for someones tongue, please let me know!!  Who knows I may end up needing it for myself instead of as a gift…………..

So much on my mind..

There is so much on my mind the past couple of days.  And many people can sympathize with me, so I know that you will understand.

I only got two pictures from my sister so far to look at, but she sent me 1 of her daughter (#2 child) and 1 of her 4th child (boy).  I will start by saying the pictures were awesome, but this is not what is on my mind.  The pictures were just  the icing on the cake.

You see, my husband left last year for his 14th deployment, and at that same time frame we had been kicked out of a rental that had gone into foreclosure.  So we made the decision for me and the (at the time) 2 kids to go back to Ohio to be with family.  My mom lives with her parents, and this is where we stayed.  My sister lives across the street with her family.  And my dad lives down the road a bit.  So we were very close and able to do much together.  My kids were able to play most days with my sisters children.

Another thing that should be mentioned is that my sister is younger than me, and I moved out of our mom’s house when I was 15 so we never really had a good bond, and our personalities have always clashed pretty good.  We have been getting along for the past couple of years, but last year was that point that I think that we were able to connect.  So now for the first time in my life I actually have a solid relationship with my sister.  And because of last summer, I now talk to my sister on the phone almost everyday.  Most days we chat about whatever, but there is almost always some notes going back and forth about our dad, which we are both trying to continue raising.

What I am trying to say in this note, is that I really am happy to now have a relationship with my sister that does not consist of fighting and arguing, but it is very hard for me when I see pictures of her children especially when I know that it may be several years before I see any of them again, or even see the youngest for the first time.  This of course does not mean that I don’t want to see the pictures, cause I definitely do.  I just would like to be involved in their lives more than a voice.

school days are getting better

Jaden has been going to his new class since last Wednesday.  Thankfully this teacher has been better for him.  In return I get better afternoons from him after he has been at class for the morning.

We had some major issues with the last teacher, and the way that she ran her classroom.  I know that she is the teacher and that she probably has some reasons for the way that she does run her room.  I just don’t think that wearing name tags around their necks giving tickets and taking them away all day is going to work with every child.  When I went to her with this she dismissed me, when I told her that this policy would not work with Jaden, that he feels that she does not like him and that she is mean.  She did not try to explain her theories, or even acknowledge that his feelings were of any concern.  The next day when I took him to class again, he had no tickets or stickers explaining his day.  So when he would not go into class again, I went to the principal’s office.

The principal was able to get him in with another teacher as of last Wednesday.  The new teacher you could tell when I dropped him off the first morning had some concerns.  I am sure she had already been warned about Jaden’s attitude and actions.  Especially when last wk we had the tackle in the hallway of the school.  Three adult teachers tried to wrestle or tackle him to get him to class.  One was on her knees, one standing doing the jumping up and down and back and forth, and the third lady was on all fours, all as he was jumping up and down trying to get away.  Needless to say, the only person that would talk to him that particular morning was the special ed teacher.  Hey, whatever works.  Don’t get me wrong I am not proud of my son for these actions.  However it did put everything or at least a lot of things into perspective to me about the teachers and the school.  While they were trying to get him, I was hiding in a corner and listening. The only thing that I did hear was “we have a runner get him”   and a bit later I heard “this kid is the strongest kid.”  Other than that, I never heard anything to the tune of…. Jaden it is ok.  or calm down, nothing comforting.

It has taken me many days to deal with this.  trust me, I did laugh, but I was VERY embarrassed also. Ultimately he never felt accepted by his teacher, nor did she try to comfort him in any way, once I approached her.  I am happy that his new class is better.  Everyday he goes to school and is happy, goes into class with a smile and no prompting.  He also is a very happy boy when I pick him up from school.  How could have class been that devastating to him????  I know that a couple of other children have said that the 1st teacher yells, and is mean, so this really backed up a lot of what Jaden was saying. 

I know that each class has 30-35 children, and that the teachers are probably a bit overwhelmed.  I just think that there are some people who are blessed by God to have the ability to work in a school, or a daycare and then there are others that are not.  However whichever occupation you are in, please enjoy your job.  And please do not take your anger out or your bad day out on all those around you.  Especially a child.

Finally Jaden has a teacher that he enjoys.  And may I say…. she even told me that he is doing very well, and is being good.  So his school days are getting better,  and I am so happy that he likes going to school again.

That’s not a bump in the road, it’s me, the speed bump!

Am I really that bump in the road?  I am at this present moment thinking that the answer is yes, but only a speed bump.  This is not something that I am happy about or even something that I want to just drive on myself, but a little speed bump is just a warning, to help you pay more attention.  And by addressing the teacher I thought I was helping her to know Jaden and how to relate to him better.

This past wk, has been one of total chaos.  Is it my fault? This is something that I have been praying about, but also in normal conversation, not been saying my normal phrase which is…. “bring it on”.  I can tell you I honestly think that I am at my limit.  So here is my… or me being that bump!

Last wk, was wk 2 of Kindergarten for Jaden.  And well it did not go so well.  It seems as though he really thinks that his teacher does not like him.  He is so excited to go to school every morning, he gets up and ready without any hassle at all, out the door we all go, and then when we get to the door and he sees the teacher all of the excitement and glory is over.  He tucks tail behind me, and it is like pulling a tooth  that is not lose, to get him to go into the class with her.  So when I get him home and ask him the problem it is the same thing everyday.  “my teacher does not like me, she is mean”.  Another thing I should say is that she does a ticket system, and at the end of each day, she tallies up their tickets and gives them a sticker face according to their ticket count.  And everyday last wk, except one, Jaden got a grumpy face.  (grumpy face= parents need to address the childs behavior and how to make good choices.)  Ok… so you get a sticker, that would be well and good, but what am I suppose to address?  There is no note or anything saying what is happening, and when asking Jaden, he says the teacher is mean and don’t like me.  This does not help me as the parent to “address the situation”.  So…. I took him to school again yesterday and he did very well going into the class, I had to remind him how to act, just so we would hopefully not have any problems when dropping him off.  GUESS WHAT!!!!  When I picked him up at his room, I asked what he got for tickets and a face?  ” nothing” was his reply.  I “let me see what do you mean nothing?”  So he pulls out the folder and lo and behold, he was right, it was a red dot.  This is not on the list so what does this mean?????  I walked over to the teacher, when all but one mom was gone, and Jaden went to the play area.  “I am having some problems I see (with a chuckle to my voice, to make light) is my kid the worst one in your class?”  She says ” I would not say that” she does not smile, or change her tone in any way.  After me practically begging for information of what he does in class to deserve all of his tickets being taken away everyday, she says ” he is one of the older kids in the class and should be held to higher standards, he is perfectly capable of it.  And he just makes poor choices.”  So I pry a bit further….and she says that he gets his work done pretty fast, he is able to do the work with no problems, and then when he is completed that he does not choose to make the right decisions while waiting for the others to get done.  Such as…. he plays with his pencil, he does not sit still in his chair (he leans his head back, not the chair) he does tickle fingers to others, and he will talk to others at his table..   YES I agree this is a distraction, but what was he supposed to be doing to make a good choice at this moment????  Since they were working on the letter M for the day, when they completed that paper they were supposed to hold up their hand while making the MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM sound until she got to them.  Let me say that there are 8 children to a table and I am not sure of the amount of kids in that class but between 30 and 35 of them.   I told her that the type of child that Jaden is, that the tickets were not going to work, he only sees it as something that she is going to take away at the end of the day, not something that she is giving him for being good, ( I may have been really wrong here)  I proceeded to tell her that he feels that she does not like him and is just being mean to him.  (She did not disagree or say that she was sorry that he felt that way).  When I left, the other mom was still there, and I did hear part of what went on there.. And well, the teacher told that mom the exact same thing as she did me.  When I was driving off, I saw that mom walking across the street, so I pulled up next to her, and asked some questions.  She told me that the tickets were not going to work for her child, and that her child did not like the teacher either.  And he gets grumpy faces, and also no sticker for that day either. 

Today, I went to school again.  Same thing in the morning Jaden is up and ready, all excited to go.  We even made plans that if he could go right into the class and sit, and then work up enough tickets by doing what the teacher wants,and getting a smiley sticker, that we would go to McDonald’s for the afternoon to play as long as he wanted.  So up to the school we went all smiles…..and then he saw the teacher… it was all over.  He would not go into class.  So after the bell rang, I started walking him up to the office, where I ran into another mom.  She said yesterday her daughter got a red mark also…..  So  I am not thinking that it is just Jaden that is having all the problems in class.  I went into the office, and asked for the counselor, they are not in today.  So they take me to the principal, she goes and talks to another teacher that says she will take Jaden as her 36th child for that class.  I take him down to the class, and he won’t go in.  I left the girls in the hall with the principal, and grab Jaden’s hand and take him in… He kicked me, and said he was not staying and ran out of the class…. Needless to say, the principal told me to take him home and try the new class again tomorrow….

WHAT WILL I DO???? I FEEL LIKE I AM THIS BIG BIG BUMP IN THE ROAD….Did I do this by confronting the teacher?  I was really trying to make it easier on all people involved.  I thought by talking to the teacher it would help Jaden by letting her know how he feels but then she sends him home with no stickers. Help her in relating to him, by knowing how he feels.  And the other answers not mentioned were like slapping my hand.  “If you would get him here earlier in the mornings”  he is there 10 minutes before the bell rings how early does he really need to be?  “you should get him up earlier in the mornings”  he wakes himself up between 6 and 6:30, and school don’t start till 8:40. 

I am not blinded to the fact that Jaden can be a difficult child.  I will say that he attended 3 preK schools in a 6 month period, and had 5 different teachers plus the extra staff, and they always said, that they wished the other kids could behave as well as him.  So  Is it really my child acting out or is he just bored and needs more challenging by the teacher (skill wise).  His current teacher said he does all of his work well, but then he does not know what to do with his time wisely afterwards.

So is there an answer for right now when it comes to my feelings and the school?  I am saddened by my son’s feelings of the teacher.  I want him to enjoy school as much when he gets there as he does when he is talking about it.  I don’t want him to be that child that is marked “the bad one” because he is bored.  I do not agree with him doing distracting things, but from what she said, he could be doing much worse things.  And I know that he can do it… I have him home with me everyday.  But I also don’t want to be that mom, that all of the teachers know about, because I say it like it is.  And I don’t really want them to take it out on my child if they don’t like me.

I can not imagine being a teacher of 35 children, so I won’t pretend that I know what it is like.  However I really think that I would appreciate it, if a parent did come to me, to express their feelings on their child and what they think will and will not work in grabbing their attention.  As a teacher at that point I don’t think that I would be upset if I was approached as I did approach her, with a smile and a chuckle, and I do think I would try to use this in working with this kid.  Maybe I am wrong…. maybe she thinks of me as a big POT HOLE in the road instead of the speed bump warning…

So if I am that bump in the road, please teacher just keep on driving.