This is a letter that I wrote. I liked my letter, but please know, it made me cry my eyes out!! It hurt me to write this, but made me feel at ease also. In return, what happened??? I got deleted from Facebook. Was it worth it??? Yes, if it helps others to see… sure, it was worth it!
Let me first start by stating that this letter is from me, and Sean has nothing to do with it.
I think that you have a misunderstanding of my family feelings. And I want you to understand that what I have chosen to do, I am not asking for you or anyone else to agree with it, but these are my feelings.
Sean called Jason as he was asked to do. I was very proud of Sean, he did not raise his voice or curse. He was calm the entire time, not that it was a long conversation. He made the call, stated the facts, in a calm and low tone. Then once he was insulted, he hung up the phone. From this side of the phone, this was the best decison for Sean to make, as he was not making the call out of his own doings he was not looking for an arguement, he was simply… doing as asked! And really the conversation is none of anyones buisness.
So, now… I get a phone call, cursing at me. Not something that I am willing to take, not on a voicemail, on a phone call, or in texting or in person. I don’t generally talk that way, so that pretty much showed the lack of respect.
So let’s start from there, shall we???
Here comes the Mama Bear…. your text “So I tell you exactly how it is with you guys and you have no response? That’s what I mean when I say you just decide as a family to collectivly ignore me.” before that “I’ve always had a F.. wall with you and Sean. You guys don’t bother to include anyone in your life. So enjoy your merry little family and i’ll be don tryin with everyone.”
Let me set you strait on me…. I am the mom of 3 children, whom I love so much. I will not knowingly put them in harms way. And, well it has not been to long ago, that my husband has been verbally threatend with his life. When someone says they are going to kill your husband on several occassions, do you not have a worry? Let me ask you? Would you take Addy near this person, if this threat was made to you? No, I am pretty sure that your answer would be NO… why? Because there is the chance that your beautiful girl could be hurt. So… yes, you have seen Jaden and Shyla, infact a couple of times, and yes, you did see Sean right before he left for Iraq, were my nerves shot?? YES. But the entire family was there, was I relaxed?? NO. I do not feel as if I have to explain, this. Your being a father should give you enough insite to that on its own. You love your Addy, there is no way, that you are knowingly would go to put her in harms way! I do have faith in that. Now, I answer your phone calls, when you call. I answer your texts, I do not ignore you. I pay attention to what is happening in your family, I follow everything on FB, I make notes regularly, I have offered any help that I can. So don’t insinuate that we don’t know what is going on. And for my family, I announce on FB took, so read it or don’t, your choice! I tell Sean everytime something goes on with your beautiful baby, we are so happy that you have your wife and daughter.
However, don’t try to tell me how to ware my shoes, and how to take care of them. You have not walked one mile in mine, nor me in yours. So.. here is the family thing.
This fuss is about one person… Susan Thomson. The mother of 4 very different children, whom she loves with ALL of her heart. She had a cancer scare. She did not need or want for ANY of her children to hold her hand or to pick her up. What she DID and Does need is for her children to love her. In this case what does love mean? It means be there for her, listen to her, care about her. Susan Thomson…. She did not need for her children to bicker, fight, vindicate, or even get involved in the he said, he said ordeal. If anything this should have been a time of healing, it could have been a time that could have actually brought your family together. BUT NO… It had to become about history, about who calls who, and who is brought in the middle of things, and who can I get angry with who, and more than that, it became about WHO CAN MAKE IT WORSE FOR SUSAN THOMSON. This was a cancer scare…. Not about anything else. Your mom was scared, she needed all of you to support her, just by doing 1 simple thing….LOVE HER, SUPPORT HER. But somehow again, this has not been enough.
Your mom having to worry about how long she might have to live, thankfully now.. knows that she don’t have cancer. Did not, and should not have to have listened to the crap being thrown around….. again… just love her, cause you never know how long you have in life.
So… about us..me contacting you…. WHERE WERE YOU LAST YEAR??? WHEN THE DOCTORS TOLD ME THAT I COULD DIE AT ANY MOMENT? WHERE WERE YOU FOR ME OR FOR MY CHILDREN? WERE YOU ON THE OTHER END OF THE PHONE SEEING IF THERE WAS ANYTHING YOU COULD DO TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR ME? WERE YOU ON FB EMAILING ME TO SEE IF I WAS OK? NO YOU WERE NOT THERE FOR ME, OR MY FAMILY. WERE YOU AN EAR, WHEN THEY TOLD ME THAT IF I MADE IT THROUGH THAT I COULD BE A VEGTABLE, AND WOULD NEVER KNOW MY OWN CHILDREN?
And let me tell you that if we did not care about and love you, we would have not taken you into our home when you were 11 years old, to support you financially, we would not have put a roof over your head, fed and clothed you. While doing this on a $7000. income. So again I ask you where do you think my family values are?
So since this has become about everything other than what it should be, such as how much can everyone be upset, let me remind you… This is and should be about your mom. She does not have cancer. She was scared, and no one was there to listen. Everyone tried shifting blame, causing turmoile, doing the he said that he said, and trying to tell everyone else what they should or should not be doing. let’s just get off the high horse here.. No one, put your mom first. If they did, would she have been crying almost everyday? No, she was left alone in a room, crying. Scared about cancer, leaving her children, wondering how her children would get along at her funeral.
Let me tell you… when I was sitting in the hospital room and hadn’t slept for 5 days and 4 nights, bumper pads on my bed, bed ridden, scared not of dying but of never seeing my babies again, I prayed I pleaded with God to make his will but to please let my babies know that I love them. When they came to my room and said they had to do surgery right now because my health was causing to much distress to the baby, and they didn’t want to loose both of us. I was afraid, so afraid, I did not want to hurt Schyler, I didn’t want her to suffer because of my health, she was not near 4 lbs, what if we both died what would Sean do? And no, none not one of you were there for me or my family.
I understand what your mom needed. No, I wasn’t waiting for test results I had them moment to moment as I lay there bed ridden. So yes… I understand your mom’s feelings of being scared, and not knowing what is around the next life corner. Do you, does your family? Cause if you did then you would try your hardest, to STOP. Stop trying to protect each other from each other. Let each child fight their own battles, you can be there to listen.. But stop…. quit you are an adult not a child…. you need to fight each of your own battles, pick up the pieces as they fall. protect your own family (in your case Addy and Ashley) quit passing the buck, accept the responsibilty that is laid before you. Love your family (your brothers and sister) you may not always have the relationship that you want, but not just one party is responsible for the state of the relationship.
To sum it up…. This has not been about your mom this past couple of wks, when it really should have been. And you all could have used this to draw near each other, but everyone has chosen to make it about one individuals feelings. I will tell; you who it wasn’t about, but should have been ALL ABOUT! SUSAN THOMSON. YOUR MOTHER!