I want it and I want it now!

Have you ever heard anyone say “I want it and I want it now”, and truly mean it?  I mean not in a somewhat serious joking kind of way.  Honestly the type of person that always has a 911.

My dad is a 911 type of person.  I have been doing his finances for 2 years come May.  In the 2 years we have eliminated a LOT of debt. 
When I took over his finances, I did not just make a budget for him to follow.  We tried that many times over the past MANY years and it never worked he just kept getting further and further into debt.  My dad does not live an extravagant lifestyle, he just lives a busy playful one.  He likes his toys, and whatever his friends are doing he likes to do.  If this meant (in the past) that he didn’t have money, it did not matter because what he did have was better!!  Great Credit!! 

All of that changed a couple of years ago, when I took over the finances.  My dad makes great money for being a single man, with no one to have to care about.  He owns his own home that he obviously has refinanced over and over again, which did not help anything at all.  When I left Ohio in Oct. 2009, and came back to Vegas, I had his finances under control, I knew how much money per paycheck he was allowed to take out of his account, and I had the rest to pay bills.  His budget was down to the exact $1.  I also had a savings account that I add money to if I can every paycheck that pays for his cooking that my sister does.  As you can see all of this takes a lot of time away from both of our families.  It is not just me doing, she helps out A Lot, and she is there and I am not, so she gets to deal with him a lot more than I do.

So a couple of days ago now, my sister sends me this note.  I had no clue what she was getting at, so I called her.  Needless to say, my dad was going to be soon calling for $$$$.  His laptop bit the final bullet.  And honestly, I am not the one really to be complaining to, because… it just really is not in the budget.  And this was sort of new laptop, he was robbed I think… Dec of 09, if I am right this computer is just barely over 1 yr old.   I also just paid a portion of a golf membership for him, so that he could have unlimited golfing, and he is going to bowl in the bowling tournament in April, up in Reno, he will be flying here and Reno, and to Houston to visit his brother.  It is cheaper for him to do everything at one time than to try to fly out of Ohio a few times.  I am trying to make every $ stretch as far as I can.

Anyways, I told him that he can wait to buy a computer when he gets his next bill paid off.  His lovely reply is..”that’s not so bad, I only owe 400 to… and you already have that set up to pay in April”  I told him we already knew about that being paid off, that I meant the next bill.. which I did not tell him, cause he can look for himself.  It is about 3k!  He may need to wait for a little bit on the WANT.

Meanwhile since his computer went out, he has been calling and nagging at my sister about it.  And she is having a hard time of her own.  This year has been rough.  Her kids (4) have pretty much been sick especially the 2 girls.  The 3rd child is only 2 and had a stomach surgery just a month ago, and all of the rest have pretty much been sick since.  Andrea has migraines and has been on medication for them the past month, her washer went out this wk, so her husband has decided to try to fix it on his own.  She really can not afford to just go out and buy one, they are like me.. they don’t like to have debt… if I (we)don’t have the money then we don’t need the product.  And a WANT is not a 911!!

So my dad has still been shopping for new computers, why I don’t know. but he has.  I look at it as a want, not a need.  He does not use the computer to pay bills, or look at his accounts.  I do all that for him.  He only uses it to socialize, and he does not do coupons, my sister does that for him, and the grocery shopping. 

Is his saying “I want it and I want it now” a good enough thing?  Or is it continuing to enable him to keep the life of debt going?  Yes, he earns a paycheck, but if he spent every $ that he wanted to everyday, I would have nothing left to pay his bills with….

what is really the right answer?  Is it that I should give in and let him buy the computer now??? or is it just a want that he should have to live without for just a bit longer??



Jaden has had a few firsts this wk…. Both of which, Sean and I missed.  We were there.. about 25 feet away in both cases, but neither of which we were involved.  this is so sad for my heart seeing as he is my first child and my only boy!

On Monday night we took Jaden to Taekwondo, and when we came home the dog had crapped 4 times and puked 3 times in her kennel.  She must have truly ate something bad outside.  I always make them come into their kennels before we leave the house, just in case we are gone longer than expected.  So Sean went outside to clean it up, while we were outside the neighbor boy who is 4 and his dad came by and moments later the mom and sister.  We are all standing there talking when all of a sudden, Jaden is riding a bike… ok… no big deal. but it is… he would not let Sean and I even talk about taking his training wheels off his bike, and this bike has only 2 wheels… no pictures no camera, just my Jaden riding a bike around the street, turning, breaking, stopping and starting without the help of anyone.  My little man is now a big boy bike rider!  I am so happy for him, but I am so sad to at the fact I was not apart of any of it.  And Sean… I think he is truly just having his feelings hurt.  I kind of think that by him missing so many 1st that he thought that a bike ride was controllable.  A first that he would never miss…. and well, he missed it….

On Tuesday morning I checked Jaden’s bottom tooth and it was still loose just not nearly ready to be yanked out of his mouth!  So after school I had checked it again, and it was still in there pretty good.  I had a couple of appointments scheduled to get some quotes for adding turf and a patio cover in the back yard, so I was kind of busy with that out back.  Sean came home in the middle of the next appointment and Jaden and Shyla were playing under the trampoline while we were talking to the turf guy, when Jaden comes over and shows me his mouth and says “Mommy, my tooth came out!”  I looked at him smiled, as my heart broke inside that I missed this too, 2 things in 2 days, how does this happen?  I just checked that tooth a couple of hours ago, and it was still stuck in there pretty good?  Sean looked, and then I said “Jaden where is your tooth?”  he says “it fell in the dirt.”  I asked him where, and he told me that he could not find it.

Sean and I spent the next 3 1/2 hours sifting through our sand/dirt in the yard area he was playing and never did find it.  Sean had a screen out and everything, truly doing a heavy-duty sifting.  No tooth to be found.

Then this morning somehow.. I don’t know how.. the Tooth Fairy had left $5 under the pillow for the 1st tooth.  Even without there being a beacon of light coming from the missing tooth that calls all Tooth Fairies, she knew right where to find Jaden’s room.   He was so thrilled when we found the $5.  This picture is right at the moment he looked under the pillow!


Of course Sean has not made it home from work to see what a wonderful surprise Jaden had this morning.  Another 1st that he had to miss out on.  But I was thinking that Sean would at least get to be excited with him this morning.  Since he was so angry last night about missing his 1st tooth coming out, and never seeing it at all.

When I picked Jaden up from school he was crying and very upset at his table.  The teacher asked him why, and he said that he lost his $1.  He had taken his $5 to school instead of putting in his bank where it would be safe, for later.  He said that he had it in his jacket pocket and thinks another kid (he did say the name) had taken it. The teacher told him that it is not ok to accuse someone if you did not see it happen.  Jaden said he saw the kid over there, but did not see him actually take it.  Anyways, bottom line is..

There is no tooth to put in his keep sake, and there is no money left from the tooth fairy to show anyone.  Absolutely nothing but an empty space in his mouth!

I am so heart-broken that I missed out on all of this, however I am trying to keep it all under control, because I need to be happy that he is a strong enough child to just jump on a bike and start riding, without crying or being scared. but as a parent I really want to be that person cheering him on, and we both really felt left out.  Then the tooth thing… really loosing a tooth in the sand, and not being able to find it?  most kids don’t want you to touch or pull at all on their 1st tooth, and my kid is happy it is out, and I am the one sad that it is gone, and I don’t have that nasty thing to put in his box.  And I am unhappy that he lost his $5 since this was from the Miracle Tooth Fairy…

So this has been our 2 days of saddened 1st’, I hope that the next tooth that should be falling out any day… that I can be a part of… or at least I will hope that Sean can be apart of!

Liitle green please!

This past wkend we went to the Home Show, at the South Point Cassino, here in Vegas.  I got a lot of different info given to me for our patio cover and yard that I want.  We want to get some more work done before summer hits!  So I made a couple of appointments for some free estimates, and then continued on the phone yesterday to make even more!

My morning has already started by getting Jaden and myself up and ready.  He and Shyla are eating breakfast right now, while I am getting this blog up and going!  I will take Jaden to school and then come home to my first estimate at 9.  Some of the companies are doing just the patio cover and some of them are doing just the turf, while others are able to give me quotes for both at the same time.

I know that it is only almost April, but with the temps that we have here I know that the kids want to go outside and play while they can, cause come summer time it will be too hot to go outside for long periods of time ( I really miss the other places that we have lived where you can go out pretty much all year-long, I enjoy summer just not here in the Vegas area)  In Vegas we really love the winter months, and me and the kids go outside way more often, and then in the summer is when we hermit!  So getting some turf down quickly is a project that I want to get completed.  However, what is the right amount of green?  We really don’t have a large yard?  Do I go cheap and just do a 10×10 or do I expand, so that they can play ball, and jump around and do flips?  Do I go with the 12×26?  I know that it all depends on my budget, but really… where am I going to set the bounds on my budget for this project when my kids are getting older and I want them to be able to go outside and play in my yard where they can be safe?  Do I want to be cheap and stay at $500 or expand to a $1600 budget for fake grass?

Then of course I need to budget in on a patio cover.  I think that we have agreed on the size we want, we are looking at a 26×11.  I have no idea how much this is going to cost.  I know the styles I like, but at the same time I do need to go on the more affordable styles because we are only going to live here another 2 1/2 to 3 years.  I don’t think we are going to get full value back out of the cover that we are going to put into it (if we go high-end) I think we will get the same value out of it when selling the house whether it is an expensive cover or cheaper cover!

I will let you know what I decide, and why!  So let’s hope I get some great quotes, and of course great companies to work with!

When you are looking at companies and quotes for either of these…. What is that you are looking for?

slowing down

I don’t know if it is good or bad for all parties involved… but for me… slowing down is a good thing!  This wkend was the end of our basketball season for Jaden.

Jaden has been playing basketball on the base for Wednesday night practice and Saturday morning games.  I have totally enjoyed watching him run, play, meet new people, and learn about the sport of basketball!  He has done very well, I think he just likes pretty much anything that takes energy and is..HANDS ON!  He was not sad that it was his last game, I am sure that it is because he has his Taekwondo to keep him busy.

I am a little on the side of liking him to be done with the season of basketball, just because I can slow down a little.  I know that it is not much slowing down, but Wednesdays are going to be a bit slower, just by not driving from our house to the base for basketball and then to the other side of town for Taekwondo.  One started at 5:15 and was supposed to last for an hour (we always had to leave early) and the other at 6:15 for another 30 minutes.  By the time we got home, I had to hurry to get everyone fed, and Jaden’s homework done before he had to go to bed.  I know…”why did I not do the homework after school and before practice?”  Honestly, the biggest reason, is I fed everyone lunch, and then had naps done.  Jaden does not always need a nap, however sometimes HE REALLY DOES!  Wednesdays are one of the REALLY Does days!!

I did take a lot of photos and I did have to use 2 different cameras.  The one camera that I really like to use is my Cannon that has a large lens I can change out.  And to further explain… what a pro I am NOT…  for some reason all of my photo’s are coming out really blurry.. I don’t know how to fix it, so I either need for someone to tell me how, or I really need my mom to come for a visit to fix it for me!

This wkend was also the Home Show at the South Point Cassino.  We went right after basketball.  I really enjoyed it!  They were giving a discount to the military and seniors tickets to get in.  It was normal $7, so discounted to a $5 ticket!  Kids 12 and under were free.  I made a couple of purchases, one of them I am excited and will hopefully get to use later this wk.  It was an indoor grill.  You use it over your normal stove!  And some smelly Hawaiian Salts, another great deal!  I scheduled some appointments for free estimates on getting a patio cover and some turf put in.  Yes, I would totally prefer to have real grass pushing along the bottoms of my feet, but I have to take what I can afford, and I don’t think that I want dying grass from dehydration in my back yard!  Not to mention I know what Bailey the BloodHound would do to the real stuff!

Then today I scheduled a massage for myself at Massage Envy, at the Shadow Mountain location.  I totally enjoyed myself.  When I am nervous (I am not a touchy feely kind of person) I tend to talk a lot.  So guess what??? I talked a lot.  More like I asked questions, so the lady would do the talking!  I will say that it was a deep tissue massage.  It did not hurt at all while she was doing it, but by the time I came home… I am surely feeling it now!  A very good pain though!!  I have another appointment set up for next Sunday!  I hope that it goes just as good!

I also stopped by Lowe’s today, to pick up the pedestals for my new Samsung washer and dryer!  They are on sale now for $99 each, then of course add that wonderful military discount!!  I really could not pass up the deal!  However, because they are on such a great sale, they were all out so I had to order them!  They will hopefully be in and I can pick them up soon!

So here is to a bit slower wk!  I hope everyone had a smooth relaxing time just like I did this wkend!

toilet leakage

Day before yesterday Sean came home with the toilet drop-ins that help keep your toilet clean.  They were blue… very blue!  We have just a 1/2 bath downstairs that we use all the time, thankfully on tile.  I went in there about 10 minutes after Sean put the thing in the toilet.  there was blue in the grout lines, and down the back of the toilet.

Sean said that we must have had a leak that we did not know about… duh!!!  So yesterday he took the toilet apart and put new things on it.  This seems to have worked, for the moment!  However if he had not put that blue cleaning agent in the toilet… how would I have known that we had this leak?  It all has to have been going somewhere?  Thankfully it was on our ground floor, because I am sure that it has been going on for a while without us knowing!  Could you imagine the water leak that would have been on our ceiling?

becoming a perfect mommy

Yes, I know that becoming a mommy means so many things to so many people.  Over the past few days I have been reading many different blogs, and of course my Facebook news.  Finding out about people having babies, people loosing babies, people adopting babies and how people have dreams of how all of this should happen.

I read on a blog from someone yesterday that they lost a set of triplets at different stages of their pregnancy after trying many different things to conceive and then they were able to adopt!  I also read on my sisters blog, this morning about her ideas of motherhood and how natural she always thought that it would all come, and how un-natural it all really is.  Then I saw that a girl I was friends with in school, just had a baby yesterday.  My neighbor found out earlier this wk, that her baby #5 is a boy (she is 28), the other 4 are girls!

When I was young, I suppose that I probably eventually wanted A child, many children… absolutely NOT.  When Sean and I got married I said that we should wait at least 5 years.  You see, my parents got married and pretty much decided right away to get pregnant, and 15 years later they were divorced.  My mom has many times explained why she got pregnant so early with me… here is her very short and not so sweet answer….  We got married quickly, between him and your grandmother (dad’s mom) they kept nagging at me to have babies, I wanted to wait but they kept pushing, so we got pregnant.  I really did not want to have you until my 21st birthday was past, I went to the dr and they told me they would see me in the next couple of days to have you.  I told them that this was not going to happen that I was waiting till after my birthday ( my comment is always.. yeah right) She says that she went into labor with me and had me on the 9th of October she said she fought it all the way, because she was not ready to have me, her birthday is not till 17 October.

I have always felt like that she got pregnant pretty much against her own will, under pressure.  She has pretty much made me feel like I really was not wanted.  Not that I was never wanted at all, just not at that point in her life, not under those circumstances. She did not make me feel like that until after my parents divorced.  And why I continue to ask her about her decisions back then, is stupid, I guess I am secretly hoping that her story will change.  And… it doesn’t, not even in the slightest.

I think that had my mom’s story to me been different maybe I wouldn’t have put a time line on my own family.  When Sean and I got married I said that I wanted to wait 5 years to start having children.  We had a really hard 5 years, so at the end of the period I said that we needed to wait another 5 years.  Honestly to say that I wanted to have children even in those first years… not so sure.  It’s not that I didn’t want to have children, I just didn’t really care either way.. I just knew that my marriage was not where I thought it should be.  Sean and I were a family, even without children, and we had some major issues that needed to be worked out.

We decided at about 9 1/2 years of marriage that we could if it happened.  I went off the pill and the dr. told me not to get pregnant for at least 6 months or I would probably miscarry.  Sean had returned from a deployment in November, I immediately went off the pill then we found out that he had to deploy again in April?  So we said whatever happens, happens, I was pregnant in March.  Of course we did not tell our families until the day before Sean left for his deployment and we only told 1 of our friends, and that was because she worked with me, and we were the only 2 workers in the office (she found out she was prego right at the same time as me)  Otherwise we did not tell any of our friends, until he returned home from that deployment, we told everyone in mid Sept that we were due at Christmas.  My pregnancies are so easy.. I don’t get sick, I am not tired, actually other than not having a period every month and getting a round belly at the end.. .there is nothing else that would tell you I am pregnant.  Untill.. November when my water broke…

I pushed for 9 1/2 hours with no drugs, to be taken into an emergency c-section, at 34 wks and 5 days.  We had our little man Jaden, in the NICU for the next 21 days.  This did play a tole on me, this was my first child and they did not let me see him for the first 11 hours.  Then I could not hold him for 3 days.  I left the hospital without baby in arm on the 5th day when the insurance would not pay anymore, Thanksgiving day.  I had Sean drop me off at my work that Monday, so that I would have something to keep me busy for a few hours while he went to work, to check in.  By this time there were 4 of us working.  One of the co-workers was not nice.  She hurt me so bad.  Of course the only photos that I had of Jaden were with feeding tubes and IV’s.  She told me that, this was nasty, and that I shouldn’t have pictures like this to show people (it was the only way, that I had seen my child, how else would I show him?  Should I not be happy that he is alive and healthy?)  then she told me that I should not be at work, that I should be at home or with the baby.  Something else that got me going… I was still not really allowed to hold him, we were only allowed to take him out for 5 minutes at a time, and only at feeding time.  None of my other friends have ever had NICU babies, so I had no-one to tell me, or fill me in on anything, I was truly alone when it came to all of this… and I was 30!  I was not at work because I really wanted to work, I was at work so that my mind would be on a positive note and I would have something to do rather than sit at my house ( I was not allowed to drive).

Of course Jaden is fine and you would never know that he was a premie baby.  A few years later we found out our 1st month here in Vegas that we were going to have Shyla.  Again, nothing to talk about with that pregnancy, just no period!  Then comes (June) 34 wks 4 days, very small contractions, at 11:30 only 1 1/2 dilated and at 1:02 having 3min 40 sec contractions with 45 seconds in between went into the doors of the other hospital now dilated to 10, when I told them I had to push they said you are not there yet… I pushed my water broke and at 1:45 we had Shyla with no drugs again.  That was quick, not pleasant but quick.  Shyla was a bigger baby for her gestation at 6lbs 3 oz.  They immediately took her to the NICU, and 5 hours later after feeding her a bottle, they brought her to my room.  I had her the first day in my room with me, and the next morning they came in and said that when her levels came back that they would release us to go home.  Next thing I know they tell me that they are going to have to admit her to the NICU for jaundice.  The dr. said it would only be a day or so under the lights and that she could come home before the wkend.  Well I told him to discharge me, I know how all the NICU works and there was no reason for me to stay since she sill be under the lights I will not be able to hold her.  So I went home.  Shyla was in the NICU for a total of 10 days… so much for a day or so… you see being under those lights makes them tired so their feeding goes slower.  And when her jaundice was gone her feeding was slow, so they would not let her come home because of that (but she was still gaining weight).

We found out in January that Sean was going to be deploying in April, and at the same time we got a note on our door, saying the rental we were in was in foreclosure and that we had 24 hours to vacate.  We fought it of course and they gave us 2 wks.  We moved in a bedroom of our friends until April, when Sean was deploying and me and the two kids went to Ohio to stay.  I got to Ohio on the 27th, pregnancy test on 28th positive, Sean left for Iraq on 29th.  You see Sean told me that we were done having kids, unless I could get pregnant before his deployment.  You can do the math… I found out I was pregnant when Shyla was 10 months old, and I was nursing.

I left Ohio to make the drive to Vegas towards the end of Oct. Dr. told me I was high risk because of the previous 2 pre-term pregnancies and that I would not be able to leave the area if I waited any longer.  So I packed up and left!  In a rental for 1 wk, when Sean returned home at start of November.  Baby not due till 1-1-10.  Day after Sean got home, we got a knock on the door saying that the home is bank owned and that we shouldn’t be in it, we would need to move.  My blood pressure was extremely high.  I was bed ridden and hooked up to all kinds of meds when Sean was supposed to be done with his 2 wk R&R with the return of his deployment and he could not go back to work because someone had to care for the other 2.  They admitted me on Monday and took the baby on Thursday with emergency c-sect again.  They said that I was killing her off and that I would either stroke or cease out at any moment.  I was on lots of different blood pressure meds, and ceasing meds, and blood pressure was still 217 over 118.  They immediately again (33wks 5 days) took Schyler to the NICU, she was only 3lbs 10 oz.  She ate immediately, and had no issues with anything.. she was just really small.  Of course there were all the wires hooked up to her, but no tubes!  I however did not get to see her until later when she was 15 hours old.  And the nurses never came to tell me how she was doing…. I had no clue, that she was perfectly fine!

I think that I want another baby.  Yes, I am often overwhelmed with having a 2yr old and a 1 yr old, along with the 6 yr old.  I do love being a Mom… I am surely not near winning any awards for mom of the year.  I am trialed, and tribulated, and I fail…  I think about having a baby, and I want to know what it is like to touch a newborn that belongs to me.  I want to know what the smell of my.. baby is like.  I have been at the delivery of 2 of my friends babies, and got to see and touch them when they were moments old.  Can you believe that I cried when my friend, Holly’s baby was born.. when I touched him… he melted my heart.  I can feel it all right now, as I am thinking about it.  Not that I don’t feel this way about my own children, because I remember my first time touching and smelling them too.  I guess it is maybe what you would call the more insecure side of me… I bet.. 100 or more people touched Jaden before I got to hold him for the first time, I know that it was probably more than that holding him before I was able to feed him the first time.

I was not the first one to feed any of my children.. I was not the first one to touch or hold any of my children…. I guess the reality of it all… is no mother, no matter if you are the biological mother or not.. no mother ever will have their complete idea of how easy motherhood is….We can imagine all day long, about how we would like to easily get pregnant, keep our home, raise our children, prepare home cooked meals, be the mom of the year…. we will never have it all, be provided it all.  However we are all… grateful for it all.

I am very fortunate that God has blessed me with being alive with my 3 beautiful children, who are very healthy.  None of them were the welcomed into this world as I would have dreamed.  This is however how God planned it, I may ask God for it to be different from the last each time.. what I really asked is to make it closer to my due dates… Did God answer my prayers?  Yes, he did he just answered it in his way… I never looked at it this way before.. maybe I was closer to my due date than what I was going to be, when I did have each of them?

For some people I am sure that they pray for a baby, and God provides a way…no matter if it is through fertility, adoption, natural birth… however.. all of us no matter what way we got our babies.. they are…ours.  We can dream of the way we would like for it to be.. dinner on the table, natural birth, perfect family, house filled with family and friends…it’s ok to dream.. but when we come back to the reality of it all… we are human and we are all perfect… if only for a moment….and our dreams all do and did come true, maybe not on a full-time scale… but in little moments, we are all at some time that perfect parent!

Say.. thank you mom!

Shyla has been coming up to me all morning handing me different things.  Really nothing that I want or need at the moment. 

First she came over and wanted to take my phone off the couch.  It was sitting right next to me… she grabs it and turns to look at me “mom I put on table?  Say thank you mom!”  I said “put it back, thank you Shyla” 

A couple of moments pass, she brings me my car keys “keys mom, say  thank you mom!”.  I said “thank you Shyla, but I am not leaving, go put them back”

She brought me some cold french fries out of the fridge, and hands them to me… “mom… say thank you”

So is she just picking up on the wonderful manners?? Or does she think I need to be more grateful for her?  or to her?

When she brought me the first box of french fries, I told her that I did not want them (and I truly don’t) I did tell her that she could eat them.  She says “thank you mom!”  Then a moment later, our Schyler goes and grabs them from her, the entire box, and starts eating them, as she is walking around.  All you can hear and see is Shyla following her “baby, french fries back, mine… ”  Schyler just gives her this funky mean face and turns away, with the fries in hand.  So I told Shyla to just get another box out, she goes and gets it brings them to me and starts to eat…. out comes Schyler from around the couch still stuffing her mouth with HER BOX OF FRIES.  Grabs the new box Shyla has and turns away with a box in each hand.  I asked her to share, and she turned her back to me??!!  I took one box and handed to Shyla.. she says… “thank you mom!”

I have a 2 yr old sweet girl and a 1 yr old bully!!  how does that work?  I am sure as time goes on it will get to be “not so cute” but right now it is hard not to laugh when Schyler takes things from the other kids and is tackling them.  She is so small, I can’t believe she can get the upper hand… so I laugh most of the time!!!  I try not to do it where they can all see me though!

Anyways.. I just get all warm inside and smile when Shyla says “say thank you mom”  even though most of the time she is handing me something that I really have no need or want for at the moment!  I guess I might need to work on my manners!  I have always tried to have the kids say thank you to us and others when given something or passed something.  I am very glad that her manners are paying off at 2 years old, even if it can be a bit bothersome!