In my time I have had true friends and I have also had “friends”. I know that every person can also say that they have had both. I have had the last couple of wks to think about what has transpired and my feelings of one particular “friend” that I had.
This particular “friend” past tense of course, I wrote about in the past when our problem occurred about “find a sheath please“. The problem occurred earlier in the school year that made me realize that this particular “friendship” is not one that I really needed to partake in any longer. And I honestly have stuck to my guns, and just decided to stay away from anything that could end up becoming a situation with this individual. The previous post does not really explain why I felt this way about this situation, so here is the summary.
I had been having some problems dropping Jaden off at school. unfortunately at times we are such creatures of habit, and this has rubbed off on Jaden as well. And he did not take to his first teacher in kindergarten very well, and would come home all upset that she did not like him. I talked with the teacher and even tried to make light of the thoughts that she did not like him, well needless to say.. she never disagreed with his feelings. I tried to talk with her over several days, and Jaden’s feelings of going to school was exciting, but when he was to get all the way up to the threshold he did not want to cross for some reason. After talking many times with the teacher, I made the decision to remove him from her class room. The new teacher then had to take on all the repercussions of whatever transpired that made him not to want to cross over the threshold. He would get up get ready, talk about what a great day he was going to have and how much he was going to learn at school, and we would pile in the car and continue to talk about this in the car and then all the way up to his room, then just as he would start to pass through the door, he would start to have a melt down…screaming , throwing a fit, crying, the entire 9 yards plus…. so I had to have others try to help. One particular day the teacher pulled him into the classroom and shut the door, he threw such a fit that he started kicking and ultimately ended up kicking her in the face. She opened the door, pushed him out, and said he was not allowed to come back into her classroom. Being completely humiliated, I took him into the office and ended up talking to several different people, and they said that he could not come back to her classroom. They also decided that I needed to drop him off in the office and was not allowed to take him to the classroom, as all the other parents were required to do. So the next morning they were not sure what was going to happen with the old teacher, and if he could not go back into the original classroom he might have to change schools completely. Needless to say the next afternoon, when I picked him up at the principals office, she said that they took him back to the teacher that he kicked because he would not go into the other classroom until he gave the one he kicked an apology. She took him back, but told him nothing like this was to happen again. We still had some problems here and there, but nothing to that degree, and nothing that we have not been able to slowly overcome.
Anyways back to the “friend”, one of the days that this was all transpiring, I spoke with one of the counselors who thought that I should look further into Oppositional Defiance Disorder, she didn’t think that he really had this, but thought that maybe this could maybe help with some of the dealings. So when I went to meet my “friend” and another friend for a playdate right afterwards with the girls, I immediately mentioned this. And this “friend” started going off…”I could have told you that he had this, he never listens to anyone, he never listens to anything anyone says, and doesn’t do what he is told, you should have just asked me a long time ago, I could have told you that!” I was already upset and crying, and then you put someone who doesn’t know my child, and hasn’t been around him, and no one has ever told me that they have a problem with my son, lets not forget to mention that other than school no one other than me takes care of my child (we don’t even get a sitter to go out). I looked at her and said “I needed an ear from a friend, not for you to be rude.” She said “I am not being rude I am just telling you the truth, he doesn’t listen to anyone”. Well, honestly if she had taken the time to be my friend and listen, she would have heard nothing about him not listening or being rude she would have heard that I could not get him through the doorway of the classroom. So I excused myself and the girls from the park, and left to pick Jaden up from school. I had turned off my phone, because I thought that the time talking with Jaden that day was more important. At the end of the day when I got to look at the phone, she had texted several times. Saying….I am sorry but I thought you wanted me to be honest, along with a bunch of other horse crap, and then she also wrote that she guessed since I was not responding that she would just leave me alone that she guessed our friendship was done. I wrote back to the basis that I didn’t have time for her teenage woe is me crap, that I had bigger problems like what was going on with my child, and that is why the phone calls and texts were not on my priority list, and to handle things as she deemed necessary. She said that she would.
Much months have then passed with us not speaking and one day this person had a problem at her house where I received a phone call from their security company saying that their home had been broken into. I immediately swallow my pride, packed up my kids and drove right over to their house to make sure everything was ok. And luckily for them everything was! She and the security guy were there taking care of business. With no “thank you” or anything I left, and nothing more was said or done about that ordeal.
A couple of months later now, a mutual friend of ours had a baby shower, that we did both attend. She said “hi” to the entire crowd, I did swallow my pride to not be rude and waved my hand in a hello type of gesture, but said nothing. She then got louder and looked at me and said “I said hello everybody” kind of making it known that she was talking to me directly. So I waved again. The rest of the time I still did not talk with her, I did not ignore her, I just did not get involved in anything that would leave me obligated.
Now, many months more have passed (being just a couple of wks ago) and my husband received a text message, inviting “us” to a birthday party for their son at Chuck E Cheese‘s. I told Sean that I was not going but that he was welcome to take the girls if he wanted but that if she truly wanted me and Jaden to go,that she would have texted me directly as she used to. As the spouse is one of his friends and previous troops, I don’t think just because of my decision of cutting ties, needs to be his decision of desolving his friendship. So the day that came and he was going to take all the kids to the party I did not realize he was planning on taking Jaden also. So I spoke up and said that I did not want Jaden to go, because this destruction of “friendship” came up because of her feelings towards Jaden. And that if someone felt that strongly about my child, lack of respect for me or my child, that I did not want him to be around that person.
So my mother in law and I took Jaden to a movie while the girls and Sean attended the party. Did I make the right decision? Not the decision of avoiding a relationship with this person, but to not allow Jaden to attend a party. In all honesty I really did not want Sean or the girls to go, but I did step back and let him decide for himself of what was right.
So after all these months have passed, my feelings of hurt are still there from her. I thought that I had gotten past all of the hurtful things that she had said, but I now after Sean going to the party, I know that I have not passed the hurt. So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. It is not that I have not forgiven her, because I think that I have, I just don’t think that she is someone who I want to choose to be involved with in the future. And her taking the time to text Sean with an invitation seems to me like she really didn’t want me there either!