Reading Chairs

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Not that the  girls can read at ages 3 and 1, but they love to think that they can!  So, I bought these crafty little chairs last winter and thought that I could put my NON crafty self to work and have them done for the girls by Christmas.  Yes, you read that right… Christmas… I just thought that it would be Christmas 2010 NOT this late of a Christmas gift, or early… however you choose to look at it.

What gave me the idea of doing this was… when I was a very young girl.  Our mom had made a table and chairs for us to play with.  It was perfect, I remember still having the table till I moved out at 15, and I know it stayed later cause I remember seeing it when I would visit.  This table, my mom left the natural wood color, but it had stickers or something on it.  It was not over done, it was perfect!  And she had put a coating on it, so that we could not pull the stickers off.  I loved this set, and again this is something that left a fantastic impression on my memory, so this is something I decided I wanted to try for my children.  Try to give something from my own hand, that they may cherish for themselves!

These were the plain wooden non finished rocking chairs.  I sanded them down, primed them, put 3 coats of this sage paint on them!  Did the rub on designs and put a few layers of clear coat on!  It really was not hard, and I don’t think I did bad for my first attempt at crafting!

I took the photo of Shyla reading the other day.  They have their books on a shelf next to the back door, and love to sit there, they will sit for LONG periods of time.  So I took the picture, and kept thinking of these chairs I had sitting in the garage that is really for this purpose.. so… why don’t I get my butt in gear and finish them.  As you see, they are still not complete. My intention is to put their names on each of them.  And here lies my next problem! 

I originally bought the butterflies for Shyla, because this is what I have in her room.  And I bought the dragon flies, and bees for my Schyler.  However Shyla has decided that she wants the dragon flies, and well… the 1 yr old just don’t care as long as she can sit, just like her big sister!

So…do I give in and just give them to them the way they want and put the names on that way?  Or do I go ahead as I originally wanted them to be?

Either way, I guess it really does not matter, as long as they enjoy the chairs and enjoy time reading!

triggering a memory

Are there certain things that you see or do that trigger a memory?  Most of the time for me, it is something that I see happen, or someones reactions that trigger a memory for me.  I guess even something I hear.  It’s funny how our bodies have different senses that trigger these memories.  Things that we forget about are able to pop up in our memory that we have long forgotten about.

I was going to take a shower last wk and remembered that I was out of shampoo and conditioner.  So I went to the stock pile and pulled out new bottles.  We had gone to the case lot sale on Nellis, back in the spring, and I had all these bottles, shampoos that I usually won’t buy, cause honestly they are really cheap.  Ok, that sounds bad…. I have really REALLY fine hair and I have to wash it at least the very least once a day, or it looks like a total grease pit, and I have noticed honestly, that the cheaper the product is, the more greasy I am… sorry, but this is the truth.  Anyways… I got out the bottles and headed out for my much desired shower!

The babies were down for a nap for this first shower with my…new shampoo.  So I was able to stand there even longer than usual in my PEACE!!  So upon taking my time washing my hair, I obviously had my eyes closed and… this smell…. this familiar smell… a calm… but I just thought….hmmm, that smells like something I know… hmmm.

I hadn’t really given it much thought, it was shampoo, just smelled good!  So the next day when washing my hair, closing my eyes again, the smell of this shampoo..VO5  to be exact…. was again giving me this fragrance, so being even more relaxed than the day before, the smell jogged my memory.

My memory was….

When I was a small girl, back at my very earliest memories all the way till I moved and got married, my grandmother (MawMaw) would ask “do you want me to wash your hair?”  She always pampered me, so I would crawl up on the counter top, and lay down with my long hair flowing in the sink.  She would run and get her brush to get out all the snarls, and then grab her shampoo and conditioner.  Sometimes she would put Mayo or egg in my hair to for an EXTRA treatment.  She would not do a rush job at washing my hair, she always took her time.  She would literally scrub my scalp, and kind of give my head a nice massage.  (I must say…way better than going to the salon these days!) I guess I should also say, that I loved the way my hair was back then.  I still had to wash it every day, but it was so shiny, and my grandmother would just sit and brush it.

So, I have been thinking about why this smell was triggering these memories lately… This had to have been the same shampoo that she used on my hair, because every time that I use it, my memory goes back, I know for sure that it is with no doubt the same exact smell. It’s funny, even when I just run my fingers through my hair or brush it through the day, you can still smell the odor.  I guess this is probably now going to be a regular shampoo in my household.  Thank you VO5 for giving me such great memories!  I hope to make these same memories with my girls!

I have also broke things down a bit further, Sean’s birthday was Sunday, and that was the day that we buried my MawMaw, maybe me opening these products, was just to make me a fonder memory, since there has been so many other rough patches lately.

I am thankful for the ability of smell that God has given me.  It’s funny how something as small as an odor, can trigger something like this memory!  Just in case you want to know what my smell of choice is… it is VO5 Extra Body!

Time to think

I have been thinking the past couple of wks about a comment made.  Have I over thought it?  Have I beat it up so much that I am keeping the wound fresh?

When Sean’s family was visiting for the 2 wks, many different things happened.  We had a lot of good times.  They celebrated their 40th and we our 17th!  Hey that’s a long time for both of us!  We all got a lot of time to spend together, and Sean was able to take lots of time off, which he NEVER does!

So what was the problem?  What was the comment that cut me to the core?

We went to Sean’s softball game just a couple of days before they left, and while there, we (kids, me and parents) sat inside and had pizza while we watched Sean play.  His dad sat at the table behind us, so that not only could he watch out the window at Sean playing ball, but could also watch the opening game on TV.  I could only stay for the first game, because Jaden had school the next morning.  And about 10 minutes before we were ready to leave this is what happens…

We are cleaning up our mess at the tables, Schyler had also gotten into the bottom of the stroller and dug out all of the diapers and had played with them on the floor, I knew that she was doing it, but really did not care, it gave a 1 yr old something to do, and I did not have to chase her down.  It had only been about 2 minutes at most (you know how the attention span goes) and I look down at my feet where she was and then looked behind me (where FIL was sitting at table) and there went Schyler into the bar area, and Shyla going after her, as I am on the floor.  I say “you can’t go into the bar, come back” as I am trying to get myself up as fast as I can, obviously not fast enough!  I quickly pace past my FIL and at the same time hear MIL say “you are sitting right next to the bar and can’t help her?” and then his comment “they aren’t my kids, it’s not my job to watch them” He did not say this in a joking manner.  He said it with conviction, and also a few moments later I heard him say “You don’t like it when I get after them and you don’t like it when I don’t, so I just don’t want to do anything with them”.  It wasn’t in those exact words, but that was the jest of it.

So…. I waited until MIL and I left, before saying a word.  I was pissed, and nothing I could have said would have been nice.  I bit my tongue.  So, I did tell her later that it hurt my feelings.  Was I fueling the fire?  I sure hope not, cause she was mad enough at him for the comments he made to her.  And mind you… he did not know that I had heard him.  He thought he was far enough away, but he wasn’t!

My feelings at the time were…..get out of my house, don’t come for a visit, don’t come back.  Stay away from my kids, if you don’t want to be a grandparent don’t.  I am not going to beg you to be a part of our lives.  I didn’t ask you to watch my kids, but if you are going to be somewhere with us, and you see them doing something that they are not supposed to, then stop them, and if you can’t handle the responsibility of being around my family… then just don’t be around.  You have only visited us in our homes, a total of 5 times in a 17 year stretch, don’t bother making it a 6th!  It’s no wonder the other kids don’t have you around, maybe they are right.

I am so totally glad that I did not mouth off my feelings, cause it would be a total resentment.  I would have been just saying things to hurt him, just as much as his little comment hurt me.  I know that he did not know that I heard him, and that he was only saying what he meant at the time.  But my feelings are… if you don’t want to be around, then don’t!

I have thought about this almost everyday for the past 2 wks since they left.  And… I really feel pretty much the same.  My MIL talk almost everyday, but have not talked about what transpired, until yesterday.  She told me that she told him that I over heard and that he hurt me badly.  From the sounds of it, he didn’t make excuses.  All he said was “I just won’t go back again”.  Seriously…. that pretty much put my words into action.  I really did not say anything further to her, and kind of let it go.  I am sure they were probably arguing and he felt trapped and again said what was on his mind.  But REALLY???

How is it that you can be so far away from your family, and still really not want anything to do with them, and then pretend when you are around them, that you have missed them so much?  Well, truthfully… I think my wall has been put up.. I have had time to think and rationalize, and maybe my first hateful thoughts were the real ones.  Would I EVER say them out loud?  NO WAY… I would never want to hurt someone with those thoughts.  However they are my true feelings.

Don’t come back, don’t think that you have to play nice and be a part of our family, if you don’t want to be a grand father, then don’t.  I didn’t and won’t beg you to be here.  Come if you really want to, but if you have better things to do… then DO IT!  Happy aging, I hope you don’t miss out, on the blessings of my children, and then regret it later!

Many regrets?

I really am not a woman of many regrets.  Yes, we all have things that we would like maybe to have been done a bit differently, but actual regrets?

Sunday was Sean’s birthday.  He much like everyone has his days.  Well, ok…. he has his days and sometimes his days turns into wks.  And when he gets in his mood, I usually just blow him off, try to move on and overlook him.  Unfortunately this wkend, was just not one of the days I was going to overlook it.  It had nothing to do with his birthday (on my part) I just got fed up with the crap.  And to not help anything out, I had one of those headaches way beyond control.

I spent most of Sunday up in my room.  If the kids were sleeping, I was laying in the dark, with a pillow or sheet over my head.  I think that the medicine made my aches so much worse.  How could a migraine medicine make things worse?  Aren’t they suppose to help you?

I had told him Happy Birthday, the night before, just as I was going to bed.  And he snapped..”it’s just another day”.  Then on Sunday afternoon, Jaden asked him where he wanted to go out to eat for his birthday, again he barked “I don’t want to go or do anything, it’s just another day.”  then a couple of hours go by, and Jaden say’s “daddy, let’s go get you a cake from that place”  Sean smirks and says “I don’t want ice cream”.  By this time between his attitude for the past few days, and my headache, I was done…. I was just done trying to play nice and leave him alone.  When the kids were upstairs, I asked him, what was going on?  why so negative?  We want to give you a birthday and all you can do is ignore everyone and snap, you only get this day, once a year.  It is about you… but you are so busy shoving everyone away, that we feel robbed of giving you, your special one day.  And again he says “it’s just another day, nothing special”.

At this point I decided, I was completely finished, I was done trying to place nice just for the sake of his birthday, by leaving him alone.  I went out to the car and got his cards out, by this time it was about 4.  I signed the cards and let Jaden sign his name.  The kids gave him his cards, and he said “thanks”, Jaden had even early given him a made card that he made on the spot.

I kind of regret, just sitting back and letting him be grumpy.  This was his birthday and like previously said, it only comes once a year.  I don’t feel bad for me and the kids, I just feel…. sad that Sean has this piss poor attitude all the time.  Truthfully he has this attitude most of the time, and it has been worse since his 2009 deployment.  And well to tell you the truth I am fed up, with the egg shells and pins and needles that we tip toe on.

So, do I have many regrets?  No, I don’t but letting him spoil his 1 special day, this year… I do feel bad that I ignored him all day!  What if he was trying to see if I was going to try to make him do something?

Vegas Flood aka: Rain

It has been raining off and on for the past few days.    Who would think that Vegas could flood?  Ok…. so it is just rain… but my back yard looks like I could take a canoe  and have a blast!  Ok… that may be another stretch, but really… the dogs need to go out to go potty at some point!

We got up and started getting ready for school today.  And Jaden was so upset that I would not get out his Spiderman jacket.  Trying to explain to him in a calm manner, that just because it is raining out, does not mean that it is cold!  He then began to explain to me… that if it is raining out, he will get wet, and if he get his clothes wet he can not go to school…. so then I explained that… being wet is not a good excuse to miss school… he says he can not sit in wet clothes!

Ok….. I am a mom… I live in Vegas… I DON’T HAVE RAIN GEAR!!!  Yes, I have lived here for almost 4 years, and I know that it rains here, BUT REALLY… I have been alive for 36 years… and I never heard a rule that says if you get wet you can’t go to school.  Needless to say, he realized that he would air dry, if he stood still for about a minute, and he was perfectly continent with my new answer.

However… he did ask if he could get a rain coat…. I said yes, but now that I have had time to rationalize… If this is not a normal thing for this much rain to come down, and flood my yard.. do I really need to spend money on a rain coat that he will outgrow before he ever gets to wear it again?  HMMM maybe I can buy him an adult size and then I will have it to give to him when he is an adult??!!!

So our light rain at the moment is coming down slow for right now, but night-time it really comes down!  I am writing this and I know that our plants and ground really need the rain and I am not really complaining… I just wish that it would lighten up a bit, cause my grass is really flooded at this point, and was already half dead, so we have been planting seed…. i don’t think there is much seed left except maybe in the front yard where it is supposed to just be rock!

 

 

will it work?

Will it work?  My sister had her gallbladder removed yesterday.  And of course it will take a few days to find out if this will eliminate her pain.

My sister has lost MANY pounds since having these terrible stomach pains.   This started just before I got to Ohio, back  at the start of July.  Seriously the woman can not eat.  She literally has like 4 or 5 bites and she is done.  Then the excruciating pains would start in, and followed by several trips to the bathroom to be sick.

To be helpful there were many days while I was in Ohio, that I would help clean her kitchen.  She just could not stand to do it.  I tell you the truth when I say that I had never seen  her kitchen in the condition that it was in, and having 4 children you know that you need to clean NON STOP!

Anyways, after many trips to the doctor’s office and many tests, they kept coming up with…NOTHING.  Knowing that they needed to do something the doctor and my sister came to the agreement of trying to remove her gallbladder to see if they can make all of this go away.  The surgery was yesterday, and being a mommy of 4, they decided that she needed to be kept in the hospital over night!

I spoke with her briefly last night and she was still drugged up pretty good!  She was hurting, but time will tell…. I really hope that this removal brings her comfort!  I really pray that this resolves her pain and misery.  Will it work?  I pray for her that it will!

17 Years have passed

17 years have passed as of last night and now we today, are at the start of the 18th year of our marriage!

I can’t say that we did anything extra spectacular, all I can say is that we did enjoy our day.  We went to a movie in the after noon.. (what is with the foul language, I have never heard the F word so many times) the movie was not anything that I would even want to pay $1 to watch again.  Then we went to dinner at the Out Back.  Oh… I love to get the filet, and I had lobster tail with it!  YUMMY YUMMY.  After the dinner, we went to another movie.  We only get to go out to movies when we have family visiting, so we took full advantage of by going to 2 on our aniv!

The 2nd movie that we saw was Change Up.  I laughed so hard, even in just the first few minutes.  I have to admit, that I really don’t like cursing, and that they also used the big F word, way to much foul language for me, and it was something really hard to tune out.  However, the comedy (other than the language) was really, really funny.  Maybe even just the idea that it was our aniv. and it touched on, so much of the ups and downs of marriage.

The reality of marriage just like the movie showed…. is that we work so hard  on, what we want out of life, work status… Work can be on so many different levels.  The fact we try so hard to get through school, and then those who choose to attend college and then maybe a secondary school, then a spouse and then possibly a family, continue to go up the chain at work, continuing to move up the chain.  We are never truly complacent.  I don’t know that this is a bad or a good thing.  All I do know is that much like the movie, we try so hard at achieving that we really don’t look at all that we do give up.

I didn’t really ever think that I gave anything up, and I really still don’t think that I “gave up” anything, but I will now admit that there is so much that I did “pass up”.  I have always known that I gave up my childhood, for work.  I never really got to be a teenager.  I didn’t enjoy school, I just wanted to shuffle by the hours so I could get to work, and then I wanted those hours to pass by so that I could go to bed.  Wow… what a missing!  I am glad for one thing… and that is… if I hadn’t “passed by” so much of the dating world, and had I been into most of the things my friends were into.. then I wouldn’t have my husband.

The past 17 years have not been easy, and truthfully my marriage has been the hardest job I have ever had, cause these kids that came with that job, kick my butt almost everyday!!  I never thought that I would be a stay at home mom, but I am so happy that I have this blessing from God, to have a man…. a husband…. that goes to work everyday, and comes home every night.  A man who loves me for who I am, and who I have become.  A man who has given me 3 beautiful, and healthy children.  God has blessed me over the past 17 years with a fantastic life.  And I know that he will continue to give us trials and tribulations… and soooooo many more cherished moments!

So I am going to quit working so hard at all the time-consuming tasks and just try to enjoy each and every moment just a bit more, so that next year I can say… it is an even better year than these first 17!