I am personally back on track! Ok, that may be stretching it…. I’m trying to make a schedule that works! Not doing bad at it, I just need to keep tweaking it! Upon our return to school for the year some things have changed! And I think I may have myself confused on what the difference is between my OBLIGATIONS or my COMMITMENTS?
The thing that has me questioning OBLIGATIONS or COMMITMENTS, with my son Jaden. You see he is TaeKwonDo as you would know without a doubt by reading MANY of my previous posts! This December will be 2 years. He absolutely loves all the tricking and moves. He practices the kicks and flips all the time in my living room (good thing we have LOTS of open space!) However we took last summer off and he was practicing the entire time we were gone, so he kept with his same testing cycle (we weren’t gone as long as this year). And he took some time to adjust to the schedule but finally he adapted and fulfilled his contract. We talked with him before paying for the next 6 months (the original was 1 year). Because of us being gone for the summer our payment takes us to October.
Since we have been back from Ohio (a few days over a month) Jaden has been complaining about going to TKD. I tell him it is a COMMITMENT that he made. When he is there and doing his forms he is happy, he does them and is fairly good at them. He is a bit behind because he is 3 wks behind the other kids who did not take the summer off. I’m not going to say that he has worked a lot harder to catch up, but he is upset that he does not have his stripes yet. He fusses daily about going to class so the other day I sat face to face with him. “I don’t want you to whine and cry, I just want to know why you are so upset about TKD? I want to know what it is that you don’t like anymore? You practice on your own and do the moves all the time, you obviously like it!” He replies back to me “mom, I’m behind. Everyone that was in my belt has their next belt, and I don’t.”
His problem is not that he doesn’t like TKD, it’s that he is behind all of his peers. He is still in the same class as them he just has a different color belt! Ok, let me put this out there…. I never played sports! I was never involved in anything competitive other than Bible Drill. Bible Drill was different it was memory and quick response, you worked at it as a team to help each other with memorization. Then when the drill came, everyone was on their own… So NO I am not a person who was use to the “I need to keep up” mentality.
Jaden is going to keep going until we have used all of our payment. I have been looking at this and explaining it to him as his COMMITMENT. When I went online just a bit ago, I was reading on the differences of Obligations and Commitments.
Obligation a binding promise, contract, sense of duty, etc.
I think what has me confused is…. I feel just as this person explained….. Commitment… go ahead read it and come back! or read it later…. I feel as though I want Jaden to enjoy things, maybe it was because when I put my stamp of “I will complete a task” I need to do it, no questions. I don’t promise or “Commit” unless I am sure that I will be able to do it without regret. I have however felt obligated to do things before, but it is usually short-term or spur of the moment. I am not someone who wants to be doing something long-term that my heart is not into.
With the new school year routine in motion, and going to TKD. I don’t want to make Jaden go everyday to something he doesn’t want to be at. I start to think…ok, he can quit when our contract is complete, but mean while we just won’t go as often. Is that teaching him anything? If I let him slack off and not take it seriously. Or… do I say, you give it your all! Complete this contract and give it your best try, and if you don’t want to do it, we will quit, but if you change your mind you can stay for a new contract and maybe have time to catch up with the others again.
When it comes to things that your kids get involved with… do you let them just drop their “obligations” or do you make them fulfill them?
Did I do him more harm than good, by taking him out for the summer? Or should it be a learning of sacrifice? He sacrificed a new testing of a belt, to go back and visit family.
I guess this is the time that I really don’t know how to look at it. I don’t want him to have an OBLIGATION to something that he may later resent. However I don’t want him to think just because sometimes things get hard, and you get behind that it is okay to just give up. Life is hard and sometimes we get behind, but you need to keep your head up and keep doing the things you enjoy, because if you don’t life passes by so quickly that your moments could turn into regrets of missed opportunities.
I don’t want him to miss out on being a kid. There are so many things already that I feel he has missed out on, because of the places we have lived and things that we say “we will let him do after the military” well now he is to big or too old, and I don’t want him to miss out on anything else, but I also don’t want him to resent his memories either.
Is there a good answer? Is there a right answer? Do we let him fulfill the contract and then take him out until he changes his mind? Or even if he changes his mind will he not want to do it again, because he would then be further away from the belt of his friends?
Goodness…. this makes me even more confused…is there an emotional parenting 101 book?